So some of you know that Shane and I have been having some problems on the whole baby thing. I wanted more-- he didn't. It's actually caused some pretty hurt feelings on both sides. Well, the last month I can tell my prayer warriors have been busy. We've had some pretty deep conversations. We've both laid it on the table and are healing from it. I'm also almost afraid to post this because I can't believe it, but....
Shane just told me tonight that he is now open to having more kids and we are going to talk about it in August if we will be ready to try for number three! I know this is NOT a guarantee that he will for sure want more babies, but it is a LONG way from where we were.
God has really be working on us. The last three or four months have been painful. Have you noticed there have been less blogs? It's been hard to write when I couldn't be totally honest. My heart was broken, but I was always afraid Shane would come off as the "bad" guy and I didn't want it to be that way at all. Now I almost feel set free again. (Jennisa is also in the process of "pim*ping" out my blog and I can't wait for you all to see how fabulous she is!)
So all in all, the last three months have been really painful (still plenty of good moments too), but I'm just so thankful that God is answering my prayers. I honestly was praying that he would take the desire for more kids away from me. But it seems like the more I prayed that the more I wanted another baby. Is it always that way? I can't even say how shocked I am (and trying not to get to excited) at the possibility of number three.
But mostly I am thankful for those of you that have prayed. I've felt it. Days when I would sit and cry while watching a baby story on TLC, I knew you were praying. THere were days I couldn't even pray for myself but I knew you were there for me.
Whatever the outcome Shane and I made it. There were nights that we honestly wondered if we would make it. Thankfully, we are through this storm. It was the first time that we've disagreed on a major decision in our lives. It was tough. The days that I felt so raw that I wasn't sure how to even pull myself out of it.
It's pretty amazing how God can work though. The ugly times turned into moments that may have temporarily broken us, but he put us back together...better.
I love you Shane. Thank you for fighting for US. For not leaving like most people would after some of the things I said to you. Thank you for letting God work in you and for forcing me to talk the issue out. Thank you for being sorry. You are an awesome dad and a wonderful husband. Whether we have more babies or not, I want us to be together.
The race isn't over yet...running together.