It was one of those weeks. Shane left for Illinois on Monday and it went downhill from their. Reece is teething (he has all his teeth except the "eye" teeth! Pretty funny), Avery had another round of constipation which equals miralax, which means runny nasty pullups all week. In addition to this, neither one seemed to ever be happy, kept waking up in the middle of the night, neither one would eat, but complained about being hungry, and of course!!!!!!! they fought like crazy. And on top of it all, Lucy chewed up a poopie diaper on top of my potterybarn bedding and was barking like she had never barked before ( I kept trying to tell myself she was in protective mode, but after the third day my nerves were fried.).
I was quite honestly, pretty ugly this week. Every nasty, sinful, ugly quality in me came out. I actually was screaming at the kids! And a few choice words were definitely running through my head. It was almost unbelievable how miserable we all were. I just kept thinking...you can't leave, you can do this, get your act together. It was not until Thurs morning when I woke up at 5 in the morning to read my bible because I just couldn't sleep anymore, that I finally got it. I kept trying to do it on my own. Instead of praying over them, praying for them, meditating on verses, I just kept getting madder and more frustrated.
I know as a mom these days are occasionally going to happen. But it's never been this bad before. Each night as a crawled into bed I was shaking and my heart was racing just from the stress of it. I'm not normally like that. I feel like normally I'm pretty even tempered with my kids. Most days I love it. There are trying moments, but nothing like this past week where it felt like everything could go wrong and I was really losing control over my sanity.
My early morning wake up call from God was eye opening. It was all about mercy and how we don't even realize how much mercy we are extended each day. There were many moments this week that my kids showed me mercy and I didn't show it to them. Talk about humbling. Talk about learning the hardway that I am not really in control at all. I was still on edge a little through thursday, but I didn't go to bed defeated and stressed. I was at peace that despite the craziness of the week, God was showing me his love through my kids. There was a moment that I screamed at Reece and set him in timeout, not because he was being bad-he was just being 18 months old. And once I heard him crying his little eyes out, I went and held him and told him I was sorry and that I loved him. I don't know that he ultimately understood, but he relaxed in my arms and then gave me the biggest smile. Two seconds later he was running around me laughing and giving me kisses. Mercy...from a one year old...didn't miss that message God!
The verse from my bible study, also known as my "Come to Jesus Moment".
Ephesians 2:4-5 "But because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved."
P.S. Shane was suppose to get home Thurs. pm, but because of fog at the airport he ended up rerouted two states away to Pennsylvania for the night. Thus getting him home....Friday lunchtime. I'm telling yeah, I was under attack this week. One thing after another! MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRCY!