I didn't see it coming, but it did. Thursday we woke up and Reece refused to nurse. This wasn't a normal "I'm not hungry" mood. He starts screaming and pushing and writhing to get away from me whenever I try to nurse him. I am an emotional mess. I keep trying, but I'm not getting him to nurse four days later. I feel like I'm in mourning. I feel like he doesn't need me. I KNOW he does it's just all of these crazy emotions. I think I am struggling with this even more because Shane is now saying he doesn't want anymore kids. We've said we wanted four even when we were dating. It's taken me aback and quite honestly I'm devastated. I don't think he really gets how hurt I am over this. I'm glad he's being honest. I would never want to have more children if he wasn't excited about it. But I'm at a loss. I sort of joked to him how we might need some marriage counseling over this. I was only half joking. I feel like he just made this huge decision and I didn't get a say in it. And I'm trying to not be angry about it. I've been praying that when Reece is older I will either have a change of heart or Shane will. I just don't feel like we're done. Our family doesn't feel complete yet. Anyway, Reece not nursing is only compounding the problem. Is this the end? Is my body done in all respects to having babies? I didn't get to nurse Avery because she was early and I feel a little cheated that Reece is stopping at 6 months. I am going to keep offering to nurse him. There are success stories on- line of this happening. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but if Reece is the last one I really hope he will start to nurse again. And if he doesn't I am going to really start praying about God filling this desire of my heart. Whatever that means. I just don't want to ache for more kids the rest of my life or regret that we only had two children. I'm hoping that Shane's decision is based on the stress of living in limbo and once we are settled into our house with all of our stuff things could change. By the way, breastpumps suck. I am only getting an ounce in 20 minutes and I am no where near emptied. If I end up with mastitis over this I am going to be so mad.