you don't like who you are as a mom
the kids are off schedule
homeschool doesn't happen
cramps (yes I said it)
pulling dinner out of the freezer is as much as can be mustered
too many things planned in one day
feeling pulled in a million directions
not succeeding at anything
Ultimately I know that it isn't true, well most of it anyway. And I know that I'm just really tired and feel a little over scheduled right now. I want my house spic n span and it just isn't happening this week. You know when your mom is coming and you desperately want every nook and cranny cleaned. As if she is going to pull out her white glove and swipe the shelf above the front door for cobwebs and dust bunnies. My mom isn't like that at all, but the perfectionist woman inside me wants to hose down the entire house in bleach. Ridiculous I know. She'll be mad that I am even fretting about it. She's actually the mom that would just grab a baby wipe and start cleaning, but still just once I would like my children to stay on schedule and I to have the energy to get done what is on my list.
The days that I feel the most successful are the days I stay home. Most people would say that is boring. And I never thought that I would be admitting to this. I am a social on the go kind of personality. But I see such a difference in my kids when I am rested, they're on schedule, no running around. The house gets cleaned, dinner/bread gets made, school is done, playtime...
Society says such the opposite that I am constantly fighting the pull that I feel is coming from the Holy Spirit versus the nature of our world. The crazy thing is that the very things that are stressing me out are things that are godly, ministry type, "christian" things. I just know that the day is here where I can't do all this. And I shouldn't be. My calling is in these four walls, with these three adorable little kids, and one hot husband.
And I need to keep reminding myself of the absolute success I feel on the days that I am getting a lot accomplished.
I am also trying to balance this with the fact that on some things I need to just lower my standards.
I will always have dog hair on my floors. And that's ok. I love my dogs, they're worth it. 7 yrs later, it's time to stop being angry every time I get down on my hands and knees to wipe the baseboards.
My kids love to play. There are always going to be toys out, somewhere in this house. That means they're having fun. Having the toys put away all day is unrealistic and not every night am I going to have the energy to have them or me put them away. Eventually it gets done.
I will always have dishes in my sink. A sign that I am cooking healthy meals.
Just writing this is frightening and liberating at the same time. So even tho I am looking at a pile of fresh laundry that needs put away. I am going to quit getting frustrated about it, because the baby needs to sleep and me going in there to put laundry away can wait.
(Sorry re- reading this post and it is all over the place!)