Thursday, March 13, 2008

Time to Grow

The Desert, Avery 13 mos.
The promiseland, Reece 11 mos.
The last couple of years have been a desert for me. They have been really really happy years in terms of becoming a mother and falling more in love with my husband. But I haven't felt like I was living life to the fullest for Christ. I compare it to the desert (which is also a literal comparison after living in NV). I felt like I was isolated in the middle of nowhere floundering around, wondering what the purpose of this time in my life was. I had quit teaching and lost a little bit of myself in the process. I'm a pretty social person and I like to have things planned in my week. Living 35 miles from anything in a brown wasteland far from the beach and family was torture. But just as the Israelites needed the desert to learn to trust and follow God, I did too. I whined almost as much as they did about not being where I wanted to be, but God knew all along it wouldn't last forever. So my desert was geographical and spiritual. We had to travel really far to get to a church that shared our beliefs and it was very difficult to be involved in any way. Since that is one of my main ways of meeting friends, then came the isolation. I had a lot of "why me" and "when is this going to end" moments. But in Jan. of 07, I finally gave in and told God, "OKAY, I"LL STOP WHINING AND DO IT YOUR WAY, TEACH ME PATIENCE." I figured the Lord just wanted me to give up what I needed most. If I just let it go that I didn't want to be there anymore and accept that it was his plan, his direction, his best for my life- then I needed to trust it. Guess what? A week later Shane called me and said we were moving to Virginia. HELLO! Two long years in the desert of isolation and loneliness and suddenly I am going to the promiseland. God's pretty amazing how he times things. Sometimes he is really subtle and other times he takes a frying pan and knocks you over the head with it. That was definitely a frying pan moment.

So why am I bringing this up now after living in for Virginia exactly a year? Because life is totally opposite for me. I am involved in ministries, I am on steering for MOPS, I have friends, we are close to an amazing church, I'm on the praise team, I might play the piano for it, my house is just right for our needs and my husband actually likes his job. I know that the time in NV had a purpose, I grew and stretched, I questioned, I trusted. But I am so much happier here in VA. I almost feel guilty for having a life that I am really happy with. God is so amazing! My words are a jumbled mess and the English major in me is cringing, but it's just how I am feeling. I am so thankful that God has brought my little family out of the desert. I understand there may be more deserts, but life is really good. I want to impact my little world for Christ and I am so excited that I can get involved in things that I love to fulfill his purpose for me. I want God to receive all the glory. I wouldn't be anything without him and I am just really happy right now. I just wanted to publicly thank God for moving in my life, for changing me, molding me, and growing me to become more like him. After whining in the desert, I'm ready to thank him for the promiseland.


LeslieW. said...

I am soooo glad you are happy where you are! It is so cool to see God's work in hindsight! I feel like the toddler years are my spiritual desert! I hope to see that promiseland soon.

Dena said...

Dude - i totally thought you meant the ville was the desert and that made me sad! I am soo glad you are in a great place and everything is the way you love it! It's such a cozy feeling!